how to avoid having people try to talk to you

 Fangirlism has reared its ugly head once again, and I found myself with a new host of Jeff the Killer crap. Most of these were drawn on the train going to and from work, and I can tell you that drawing things like this is a great way to ensure that no one will sit next to you. 

All of them are Micron pen on some kind of non-special paper, all are about 3 X 5 inches. All were drawn on whims based on stupid shit I thought was amusing in passing. 

From the top: 

Jeff after a shower. He's a grimy dude most of the time, sleeps outside and often can be seen with dirt, twigs, dried blood and bugs in his hair. But occasionally he likes to clean up a bit and comb himself. That girl there might be Jane the Killer, who stars in an even less well-thought-out Creepypasta than Jeff, if that's even possible. Or it might just be a self-portrait.

 Coffee. This is the closest to the original image that I've ever drawn. Which isn't very. But check out that lettering fail. Lesson learned: Do not attempt lettering while on a moving train.

 Jeff and Jane (or whoever) again after a bout of stabbing or whatever it is they do to express their feelings about one another. The plants were fun to do.


Jeff drools. Jeff doesn't particularly care about his drooling problem, even though it's gross; he considers it a minor price to pay for his beautiful smile. The spiral there reads "smiley, smiley, smiley, smiley," because that was the song that serendipitously started playing on my iPod while I was working on this. 


Jeff goes hunting. Now, obviously, a knife has several advantages over a gun, especially if you're a serial killer. It's quiet, it doesn't require reloading and is easily cleaned, repaired, and concealed. But when a bunch of squealing fangirls are let loose in a nature preserve for an updated version of The Most Dangerous Game, Jeff prefers something more dramatic.

Jeff vs. Robert. If you've never seen Rubber, you need to. Basically, Jeff would not win this confrontation.

Finally, this is just inappropriate. And the sad thing is there's an even more inappropriate one waiting to be uploaded. Seriously I need help. But this is something that actually happens regularly, when certain significant others wake up in the night and peer creepily down at me for a few minutes and then have no recollection of it in the morning. It is so creepy. 


Okay, more fangirlism. I'm sorry.

No, I'm not.

Okay, so here's (probably) the last and most intricate piece I'll be displaying that has to do with Jeff the Killer. After viewing thousands of images of him and his supposed likeness on sites like deviantART, I found myself becoming irritated with many of the images because they seemed totally unrealistic, and I think I'm a hardcore realist at heart. So I decided, as I usually do when something pisses me off artistically, to take matters into my own hands.

This is the result. I first started off thinking about what would happen, after some time, to someone's face after they'd given themselves a Chelsea grin, and figured there would be a lot of scar tissue involved, as well as a considerable amount of regrowth. With a portion of the cheeks open past the natural boundaries of the mouth, someone like Jeff would also probably have something of a drooling problem. Ew. The eyes, of course, which are often portrayed as ringed in soot (the eyelids were, according to the Pasta, burned off with a lighter, though I still think that would cause irreparable damage to the eyeball itself), though after time they would only be surrounded by more scar tissue. I've seriously never thought about facial mutilation quite this much before.

The face itself is modeled after my own. One of the reasons why I like this character so much is because one of the core themes of his story is the concept of beauty, of finding one's own definition of beauty against societal odds, and relentlessly pursuing that idea. Thanks to my own body modifications, I've experienced the OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF quite a number of times. It's hard to explain to someone who has a very fixed idea of what is and is not beautiful you idea of beauty, that beauty is subjective, not objective, and that one idea of beauty is no more or less valid than another. I also know how it is to feel as though the physicality you have is a liability, and how it feels to want to confront peoples' shitty and exploitative concepts of (female) beauty in an aggressive manner. There was one time, a long time ago now, when I had a passing fantasy about cutting my face open like that. I really did--I even wrote about it when I used to keep a journal. I'm not proud of it, but it's true. Nothing ever came of it because I have better self-control than that, but it's still part of my history.

If you don't know, a very distilled version of the Jeff story is that Jeff mutilated his own face and subsequently thought of himself as beautiful. This concept of challenging the commonly-held ideas of beauty, of forcing people to look at something they've been trained to see as ugly as something beautiful is interesting to me, because I do believe that the truly beautiful things are the things that make you think and feel deeply--and often, the truly beautiful things are going to make you uncomfortable, make you afraid, and make you hurt. You don't escape from real beauty unscathed. As I've said before, when it comes to creating art, I find it much more fulfilling for everyone to create something that is uncomfortable but stirring than pleasant but superficial. Beauty and terror and ugliness and transcendence, to me, are all wrapped up in another as facets of the human experience.

I also should tell you that I am way over-analytical and make a big philosophical deal out of things like Creepypastas.

And because of all that, Jeff looks something like me, with big lips, freckles, unkempt black hair, and dark circles under the eyes. I gave him light eyes, though, as it fit better with the original image. He's also got a tattoo for some reason, I couldn't tell you why, but I think it stemmed from needing something dark at the base of the image to balance out the hair.

From a technical standpoint, this is the first time I've used gloss medium (clear) on wood, which allowed me to work with the natural forms of the wood, which was nice. Besides, wood knots, like the one seen here, have a way of insinuating itself through many layers of paint, and so I figured I would work with it rather than fight it. I chose a pink scheme because it seemed natural, plus I really like what pink glazes do for skin tones. Because of the pink and the sort of low-brow inspiration for this piece, it's being categorized in the Trash body.

Today I bought another one of these wooden ovals so that Jeff can have a companion.

tales from the sketchpad, part 6

The time has come to end the sketchpad series. It's sad, I know, but my poor pens are suffering from exhaustion and quite frankly, I'm tired of the sketchpad. Like, really tired.

So here are the last two pages of the sketchpad. My .01 pen was fading fast, so as you can see, I resorted to using a .08 for the backgrounds of both of these. I don't like the heavier line quite as much as I do building up layers of finer lines, but it's passable.

Up top we have another Jeff. Seriously I am the sickest fangirl for him, because I have a thing for long-haired guys with crazy eyes, toothy smiles and big knives. I don't know what that says about me, exactly, but I'm okay with it. He's seen here after a long and productive night cleaning his knife off. Pasta-monsters have a pass when it comes to blood-borne diseases. Jeff's .08 background actually came from necessity, as there was some Prismacolor marker bleed-though from the other side of his page that had to be covered. And you always have to cover up the bleed-through, right Jeff?

Next is a portrait of me and Beasty. I'm not 100% thrilled with this one, but I wanted a picture of the two of us and here it is. I struggled with this for a long time, going through about a thousand pencil versions--the remnants of which you can still make out in the white areas of the image--before settling on this one. I was originally going for something a little sexier, but it never quite worked the way I wanted.

I salute you, Sketchpad. You will be missed. Kind of.

dolls are still fun

I made another one!

I've lately been slightly obsessed with Creepypastas and in particular with Jeff the Killer. I don't know why, I just really like him and think he's adorable. I'll admit to having a little bit of a crush on him. So, like one does when one has a crush on a fictional character, I decided to make a doll of him.

Maybe I do spend too much time on deviantART.

Jeff here was also a Monster High doll before his makeover. I don't remember which one. I sanded the face off and cut off all the hair and repainted him using watercolors, gouache and chalk pastels, just like the other one. Jeff, in canon, (if Creepypasta can be called canon), has a Glasgow grin and lidless eyes. I created the mouth by lining its edges with glue--this created the sense that his teeth were behind his cheeks, and made his skin look extra scarred and nasty. I also scalpeled his nose and jaw a bit. The doll, in true Mattel style, was molded to be some kind of square-jawed, hyper-masculine dudebro type (which clashed oddly with the thin, long-legged and rather feminine body mold), the kind I, as a female, am apparently supposed to find attractive. I, however, prefer my men to have a narrower jawline, so I tried paring him down with an Xacto. It didn't do much. Jeff is also supposed to be lacking a nose, though I have a problem with this as it doesn't really make sense. (I mentioned before that the original Jeff Creepypasta is nonsensical bullshit, so I don't pay much attention to it.) Anyway, if I took the nose off the doll it would have a hole in its face, which I wanted to avoid, so I just flattened it a bit.

The hair was interesting. Originally the doll had shortish black hair with a blond fringe (stupid-looking), and something like wax had been applied to it to hold it in place. I cut the hair off, rendering him bald. The hair you see here is actually the hair I cut off the first doll (and saved in an envelope marked CREEPY DOLL HAIR). It took a bit of thinking, but I managed to come up with a way to create what is essentially a doll weave. First, I separated the hair into flat sections, then melted the ends on one side with a lighter to create a fringe of hair that would lay flat. I think this is known in the fake hair business as a weft. Anyway that's what I was calling them. The hair melted wonderfully, and ended up being pretty stable. Then, I sewed a piece of tulle to the doll's head, fitting it on like a bathing cap. I was then able to sew the hair wefts to the tulle, sewing around the fused edge to keep it in place. He has a bunch of them and it took a while, but I think he looks pretty good.

As far as clothing goes, poor Jeff remains naked. He's supposed to wear a white hoodie and a pair of black pants, but my sewing skills, particularly on such a small scale, are not good enough to make anything convincing.

He looks happy enough, though.

tales from the sketchpad, part 5

Two posts in one day? What is this?

So there aren't many pages left in the old sketchpad, and so our tales will be winding down soonish. But here are some more lovely pictures of Boyfriend. Isn't he the cutest?

The first one is what would happen if you crossed Jeff the Killer with The Rake. Because you know what you get? The Jake. Get it?
It's funny because that's his name. And because he really looks like this. Shortly after I drew the first image, he was chasing me around, as usual, and then he stopped and said thoughtfully, "You know, I finally get why you always draw me as a creepy animal."

I was like, wow, took you long enough.

Shortly thereafter he requested another portrait where he looked a little more dignified. He said he wanted to be shown wrapped in his dead animal blanket (it's fur, I don't know what kind) with some kind of bone decoration. So here he is relaxing in the evening. I like to think he's saying, "Hi there, why don't you sit down and relax and have some wine. Of course it's not really wine, it's the blood of your loved ones for I am The Jake." It's hard to see but his necklace is a human hand.

He's so great.

(Also, I've been reading a lot of Creepypasta lately. I really like Jeff the Killer, he's adorable, but his backstory blows. It makes like zero sense. I wrote him a new one over on deviantART and he'd better fucking appreciate it.)

slendy & me

This is my new Slenderman T-shirt, which I made using Tulip brand fabric paints (in white and brown, Slendy's skin was made by mixing the two) and a T-shirt I altered to fit me.

Why? Because Slenderman is my new best friend.

I started watching the Slenderman ARGs on YouTube (Marble Hornets, EverymanHYBRID and TribeTwelve), and though in all three, Slendy is a menacing figure, I think he's adorable. I mean, look at that face. Er...

Anyway, the series are all really fun and spooky and I recommend them to anyone who likes a good creepy mystery. They've also inspired me to work with video, which I'm not very good at, but I'm liking the mysterious and cryptic shorts that plague the main characters in each series. I've been shooting some footage and maybe I'll piece one together at some point. (And no, no wild Slendies yet.)

And, of course, since Slendy is my new best friend, I decided to make a T-shirt of him. He lives on the left side (the wearer's left side) of the shirt, and that means he gets to hang out on my boob. Lucky Slendy. I painted him with sort of mitten hands, because I like to think that he's not so much wearing a suit as he is a suit.

Please excuse the paint blotches. This is an in-progress picture and so is not completely cleaned up. The colorful bit near the collar is not part of the shirt; it's a magazine separating the layers to prevent bleed-through.